Her Skin is Darker than Mine

It's taken me some time to write this as I struggled to find the words. For almost a full year, my wife and I were foster parents to a very special little girl.

The call came on Friday of Memorial Day weekend last year. I had taken the afternoon off to enjoy a beautiful New England day and the unofficial start of summer. As I was heading out, DCF called to ask if we could take a 3 year old girl on an emergency basis - that means there was nowhere else for her to go and a foster home was needed for 72 hours.

As the situation was explained based on what little info DCF shared, my mind started racing through what we would need for supplies, clothes, food and other items to support her. In addition, the words of my own daughter echoed in my head. I recalled talking with her about becoming a foster parent to which she replied – "you know when they call, you have to say yes as you could be the only option."

Later that evening, two case workers and the little girl arrived at our front door. The following week, we were asked if she could remain with us as her case would take some time to resolve – 72 hours became 10 months.

During the entire time she was with us, I never thought of her as being different from me although one sign had always been obvious - her skin was darker than mine.

It's been said we can learn a lot from our children and this 3 year old certainly taught me a valuable lesson. You see, this child had a very special gift. She could sense things in people and quickly discern they needed a hug, a wave or a simple hello, all of which she loved to provide.

At first, I thought nothing of it, but then as I saw this behavior repeated in different circumstances with various people we didn't know, it struck me that she saw something I didn't. She saw people without prejudice, judgment or bias. She recognized others as emotional beings with feelings and needs. At 3 years old, she exemplified what I aspire to do, making it look easy:

  • Treat others as you want to be treated
  • Make a point to say hello and offer thanks
  • See everyone as going through something
  • Give without any expectation or conditions
  • Commit random acts of kindness each day
On numerous occasions, she would make a point to run up to someone to say hello and smile, often stating "I want to give you a hug." You see, it did not matter that she looked different than me. What did matter is people saw her for who she was – a child of boundless energy, enthusiasm and positivity who offered kindness to all.

No one ever asked me in these moments - Is she yours? Why does she look different? Where is she from? Where are her parents? All questions I had been prepared through foster training to expect and truth be told, I'm not sure how I would have reacted when faced with such inquiries.

While no longer with us since reunifying, she remains on my mind and close to my heart. Each day she woke up excited to see me, ran into my arms with the biggest smile and said "good morning daddy, I love you so much." Words both humbling and heartbreaking.

Reflecting on the events of the past 2 weeks, I could certainly use one of her hugs right now. I believe she was with us for a reason - we did our best to give her love, hope and purpose. In return, she reminded us to spread kindness and remember that even in the darkest times, we can find light.


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